Coping With Christmas
There are so many scenarios at Christmas – happy families, unhappy families, happy singles, reluctant singles, the healthy, the sick, the rich, the poor, the lonely. It is difficult to write an article encompassing all possibilities, but here are a few thoughts.
No doubt many of you are sick of the front covers of magazines which are already telling us to “lose a stone by Christmas”, “give a stress-free party”, “gorgeous decorating”, “best-ever recipes”, “simple projects for you to make”, “easy cards, clever gifts”. There are so many expectations of Christmas. Everyone is meant to be happy, smiling, compatible, grateful, enthusiastic all at the same time and all on that particular day or couple of days. Unrealistic really if you think about it, especially as many people will already be tired and emotional, having been to office parties, shopping, cleaning, cooking, organising, travelling.
However, if we can prepare for the reality of the situation, maybe we can cope with it better and get more enjoyment out of it. I think the secret is in planning ahead. . Stress builds up if we are out of control, and leaving things to the last minute inevitably leads to stress.
Many of the following suggestions relate to people with families, so for those of you without, I hope that you find some way of enjoying the days around Christmas – can you get away somewhere new? Can you get involved in contributing somehow – visiting a hospital, a drop-in centre? How about inviting someone else over or visiting someone you know will also be alone? Plan a special meal for yourself (you deserve it), some nice wine, or do whatever makes you feel really good. Try not to focus negatively on being alone, you are unique and special, be kind and gentle to yourself. Buy yourself a lovely present!
For those suffering the loss of a loved one, it can be very hard. Remember that these are just a few days. You will get through them. This too will pass. Your thoughts of your loved one are with you always, not just at Christmas.
For those with friends and family, what has worked really well for you previously? What didn’t work well? What can you do differently so that you can enjoy the time? Talk with the family about what each of you would like to do and reach a compromise. Give each other space. If we feel “crowded” that can led to tension. Get out, go for walks, get some fresh air and exercise.
If you are buying presents, set a budget. Be firm with yourself. Start buying now. Panic buying often leads to more expense. It can be avoided. Think of appropriate gifts that needn’t cost a fortune...See if you can “pool” presents – everyone gives a set amount for each person who then receives one significant present. This is unlikely to be acceptable to children, of course. Think ahead. If interest rates go up next year, how will you manage? It is easy to get carried away with the “mood” of Christmas and over-spend – be careful.
If you are going to be with family, be aware of people’s differences. You know their quirks by now. Be generous and accept them. Walk away from confrontation. It is only for a few days and they will pass. Try to emanate harmony and see what happens. You may be surprised. Be aware of stressors and family issues and avoid them at this time.
Share responsibility and delegate. Teenagers gain self-esteem if they are asked to contribute. Family members should be delighted to help. One person doesn’t have to be responsible for everything – it is too much and will lead to resentment, exhaustion, frustration and tears. If you feel you have to do it all on your own, ask yourself what you are getting out of this? Acknowledgement? Praise? Reward? Control?
Practice gratitude for what you do have. Do you have family and friends? Do you have enough food? Do you have a roof? Your health? Spare a thought for those less fortunate – the ill, the poor, the homeless. Tell those who matter to you that you love them and why you love them. Show them you love them. There is no bigger gift.
© Monika Key
Article written for the Christmas Edition of Time and Leisure, Wimbledon
