Realistic Goal Setting
“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” C.S.Lewis
These days we are so often told that we can have, do or be anything we want if we set our mind to it. Is this realistic? Does this put us under too much pressure? Does it prevent us from enjoying what we already have? Does it make us feel inadequate if we are not constantly striving for perfection, for achievement, for ‘success’?
I think there are different types of goals. There are the ‘magic wand’ type of goals – the things you would like to happen, but cannot see how they are possible as they may not be realistic or fair to others given your current responsibilities and circumstances. It is important to acknowledge that you have these ‘dreams’ because one day your circumstances may change and
Then there are the other goals that take account of your current circumstances. What would you like to improve in your life? What isn’t working in your life at the moment? What do you need to change? What would you like to have less or more of? How will that enhance your life? What needs to be done for that to happen?
A good question to ask yourself for either type of goal is ‘”why do I want this to happen?”. The answer to the “why” is often because you want to feel a certain way. What feeling do you want to generate to enhance your life? This is also relevant to the ‘magic wand’ goals, because if you want to sail round the world for a feeling of adventure and challenge but can’t do it given your responsibilities to others, think of how else you could introduce more adventure and challenge into your life.
You may want to earn more money. The feeling behind that may be security or generosity. Brainstorm how else you could achieve security or generosity. It may not need to be by earning more money and therefore putting yourself under pressure. You could be more generous with your time, your attention. You may feel more secure by lowering the demands you make of yourself. Your goal may be to change job because you want to feel more responsible, challenged or fun. By brainstorming, you may find you can achieve that in your current job. Be creative in your goal-setting.
If you don’t know ‘why’ but still want whatever it is, that is also a good indication that it is worth pursuing as it is following some instinct of what is important for you.
Many goal setting plans suggest that you visualise precisely what you want to have, do or be. I would suggest that we need to be more flexible. If we are too fixed on precise details of what we want, we may overlook opportunities that could bring us the feeling we want. Focus on the ‘feeling’ you want to attract into your life and be open to the opportunities that allow you to obtain that.
Realistic goal setting also takes into account the things that may block us from achieving our goals and prepares us for tackling these setbacks. It does not mean we don’t go for our goals, but that we prepare for challenges.
- Identify your goal. I want ………………………..
- Why is this important to you? I want to feel…………….
- Brainstorm how could you could achieve this feeling. Be creative!
- Identify actions you can take.
- Do you have the knowledge, skills, strengths to take the actions? If not, what information do you need? What do you need to learn, practise? Who could support you?
- Are you committed to taking the actions? Do you really want to act? If you are struggling with commitment, you are not excited enough about your goal. What can you do to increase your commitment?
- What blocks may get in your way? How can you prepare for them?
- Be open to any opportunities that may take you toward your goal.
- Don’t overlook what you already have in your life that IS working for you, that you can be grateful for. By constantly feeling that we need to strive for perfection, for more, we stop living in the present, focus on the future and do not benefit from all the good that is already there.
- Most importantly, do something!!
© Monika Key
This article first appeared in a Focal Vocal newsletter - http://www.focalvocal.co.uk/
